August 2025

While welding a new fitting, Ralph couldn't help but overhear Fred training the new guy:

"Well, that there is called a pipe..."

INCIDENT REPORT #202508

[TRANSCRIPT]

 (Fred to Newman:) Most all pipes in this area contain highly flammable gases and liquids. It is of utmost importance that you do not smoke, strike a match, or do any metal work that might cause a spark while in..... EXPLOSION 

[END TRANSCRIPT]

"... do you smell gas"

Herb liked welding duty as he could pretend he was "The Rocketeer."

"Yeah, I've always wondered where that pipe goes as well."

The smart restrooms are up there, but the “analogs” still get managed down here.

Who needs safety equipment when you have perservance?

"Been welding this thing for an hour—still feels pretty hard, boss."

But boss, isn't the leak over here?

Think it's too dark in here for a selfie?

"See here Johnny, this is the spot that needs welded", "But Bob, why is Earl over there welding?", "Well Johnny, notice that the welder doesn't have it connected nor is there any spark coming out? We do that to make Earl feel important!"

The secret to winning 24 Big Ten titles in men's swimming and diving — including every championship from 1961 to 1985 — is simple: perfectly heated pool water.

Welder by day, phantom (of the opera) by night!

"When your job is 10% fixing things and 90% pretending to know what all the valves do."

"You've got to tell the secretary the pipes down here can't handle just anything down them. I've had it up to here, Jerry, I'll tell her myself!"
"Why should we? Ralph's happy as a clam every time he cuts this thing open and gets his new free golf balls out."

Campus Power Plant: where hydration meets higher education.

Check out our latest bottle of what we call 'MetroShine'. (In hushed tones...) Welding covers up the smell of the still.

See this leak here? The water from this leak produces the best homemade lemonade you’ll find on campus!

And here you can observe a welder in his natural habitat. We make sure to provide him plenty of enrichment activities in the form of these pipe fittings: they are specially engineered to spring leaks at a highly accelerated rate.

"I gotta tell you Mort, that asbestos is the best insulation I've ever seen. It's just great and I don't se a down side.

Student Jason Voorhees tackles a project for his welding class. After class, Jason will attend practice for the campus hockey club.

"The Super Mario Brothers made this plumbing stuff look a lot easier, boss"