"Due to the severity of the case, headquarters called in precinct stare down champion Officer Martin" - Jim Oppold

"This is gonna be hysterical! Okay, Slim, you put the makeup on his face. I’ll put his hand in a bowl of warm water! Twiggy, you put the shaving cream in his hand and tickle his nose with a feather!! Classic!" - John Hayes

"Yikes! Not sure what they are wearing and it’s a bit out of tune, but I can’t quit watching!" - Alexa Stuck

"Okay, I’ll ride all of the roller coasters before lunchtime! After lunch, a ride on the aerial tram then finish the afternoon at SplashWorld! This is gonna be the best back-to-school fun day ever" - John Hayes

"Use your brain, Elsa—if you want a fresh news story then keep your newspaper in the fridge" - Tim Kleyn

“Wow! Look at that! I didn’t know I could use a trash compactor and call it 'art'!” - Cindy Booth

 “The bicycle parking is supposed to be right here.” -Debra Barker

Clearly, Elsie the cow had not been included in the advance brief on social distancing practices. - Linda Elkins

No, you misunderstood! This clearly asks, "where can you park at work?" not "wear your parka to work!"...awkward... - Belinda Gillett

“Thank you for your generous and thoughtful donation, Mayor Hudnut! You say you made it yourself?” - Belinda Gillett